More than my share

I know you won't believe this....but I have some troubles.   See?  I told you, you wouldn't believe me.   

Part I:  My boss let me know that he will be re-thinking the way he runs his business and that will probably mean no job beginning in January. 

Part II:  The car won't pass emissions.  The shop asked me to take it for a high speed drive on the freeway to get the heat up on the engine and they would test it again.  I did that.  They did that.  It didn't pass.  So, by the end of the month I will be car-less.

Part III: My roof leaks have caused a huge sag in the diningroom ceiling which should cave in any day now.

Why am I telling you all this?  Because if I don't get it out of my mind and in the open I may have a nervous breakdown.  

Stress???

AJ's big project is Tues/Wed and donations are low...which means I have to foot the bill AND go do the work on the project.  

CC's re-taken a big test and is worried she will have to keep taking it until she gets her score up...which means I have to foot the bills.

So, to sum up:  no money, threats of unemployment, house damages, no car, and kids' needs are off the charts.  My prayers are ALL about coping right now.  Faith has to fight hard to keep the fear from killing me.

Just sharing.  I think I'm worn out.  You know?  I'm worn out trying to keep from drowning-trying to keep US from drowning.

I know we are counseled to not compare our lives to others' so I work at that.  But times like these make my situation seem so pathetic and desperate.  Seem?  Actually, it IS pathetic and desperate.  

I'm trying to keep positive and breathe.  But I can't keep going like this without some intervention or help.  I mean REAL help.  

Maybe it seems like I'm just whining (again) and all I have to do is try harder.  I've heard that before.  And maybe I'm being put through the refiner's fire (still).  Yeah?  So why am I watching families around me go to jobs, take vacations, drive decent vehicles, have gatherings, and generally enjoy successes as they make PROGRESS in their lives while I continue to tread sewage?

I get jealous.  I feel cheated.  I'm human.

Is it possible to survive facing ruin every morning of one's life with a smile?

Some days its hard to just get up and get dressed.  I consider those the success days.

"Get an education so you can fall back on it in times of financial need..." just rings hollow to me now.  I've had 18 years of financial need now with no end in sight for the next few decades.

I think I'm low on hope tonight.  But, I have to keep asking the Lord for the ability to withstand/endure and for the faith to keep getting up to face every day.