Checked my grades...got all A's. Oh, my gosh, I was so happy I danced around the room. I yelled it into the next room for my AJ to hear and he clapped and shouted whoo-hoo! When CC got home and finished telling me about her day I told her and she clapped and congratulated me.
Straight A's. What a way to end my school career! I am very proud of what I've accomplished and that I didn't give up. So many time I went through fear and desperation trying to understand the work or just get it all done under deadlines that I wanted to just stop and say I couldn't have what I wanted and it was a good run. But each time, I told myself that I would never have this chance again and it was now time to stick it out and get to the other side.
I remember feeling that way during the big C. So many times the pain would wash over me and tell me that this was all there ever would be before I would die and leave my kids on their own. So many times I cried about the loneliness of being on my own through such a horrific illness and treatment. And so many times the thought would come of me standing on the other side of the big C and looking back at it as a thing of the past. I could visualize myself standing across the room at a time in the future when the pain and the fear and the disease were gone and I would tell myself that I would get to that place. Today when I look back on those months I remember it like it was yesterday and I take a mental inventory of how I feel physically, and then I look back at myself in pain and say "you made it".
With school, it is still fresh. I just finished and the diploma hasn't arrived or anything. But the new semester started and I didn't have to go. I didn't have to buy books, leave early and park, walk up the hill, find a room and then a seat, scan the room for any familiar faces, browse any syllabi... But I have been able to look at my backpack and look back at myself wearing it and struggling to "get it" and to get it done. I look back at myself and smile because I'm glad I didn't quit. I got here. I got here.
LL just let me know she is starting back up in college. I ran over to her old HS to pick up and mail her transcripts because she needed them to get registered for classes. She is actually going back to school and I feel like a proud mom! I am just beaming with excitement for her because I know it will be such a fulfilling thing for her to get it done. She is very brave, though, because I know it is hard to see yourself going back to college with 19 year olds and feeling like you belong. The fear of not being able to handle it along with the other load of mom-hood, church callings, etc. is a real show stopper. But the fact that she has made up her mind to give it a try is outstanding!
Anyway, back to me....
No, just kidding.
No comments:
Post a Comment